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I (f34) need help with an exit strategy with intense boyfriend (m41)

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2021.11.27 11:07 Independent-Door276 I (f34) need help with an exit strategy with intense boyfriend (m41)

Might be a long one, but would really appreciate some insights on this. I (f34) been involved with a man (m41) with a complex story for about a year. We have known each other for about 10 years.
When we originally met about 10 years ago, our relationship was very passionate and tumultuous. I used to say, we’re "fire and fire", and for a ton of different reasons it didn't work because it was just too intense. He got married and had two children. Fast forward seven years, so four years ago, we started talking again and ending up dating again. He was still married with what he described as a "safe relationship"; no passion nor true love. My feeling is that he wasn’t necessarily very supportive of his wife, making feel her not so great. They have been sleeping in different bedrooms for a few years. Back to us, as I don't have kids on my own, I was not ready to be a stepmom of two really young children and we stopped things. I asked him to get his life in order first and perhaps we could consider if something was possible between us.
Fast forward again to about a year ago, where I reached out to him. We have always been on each other's mind: we say we are soulmates, each other’s human. Last week, he told me taking care of me was his purpose, which is shocking to hear alone. The thing is, as weird as it sounds, I know he thinks this is true -and normal. There are clearly huge codependency issues.
Through the phases of our relationships, there was always a very high level of intensity, which I had a hard time following and feeling safe with. Even 10 years later, it seems we were still very much "fire and fire" and while we cohabitated for a few months and it seems to be fine, we always had an underlying toxicity that I wanted nothing about but was part of, nonetheless. To this day, I feel we are feeding each other’s trauma -me my abandonment issues and him his insecurity.
A few months ago, we decided we wanted to be together for real, remind you he is still married. I made it clear I wasn’t obviously going to stick around if he didn’t do anything quickly about moving out. He had a trial period (he wanted to check how things would be for the kids) and we were looking at apartments. I asked him to see a therapist, someone he could talk to about what he was experiencing with me and what he was experiencing with his children. He did and I feel it helped.
Over time, we have had numerous very nasty fights. We would breakup and reconcile, I feel he was controlling, he had massive insecurities over my exes, used things I would have said to him while being vulnerable against me, would manipulate me or even gaslight me, I feel I was accepting things I shouldn’t be accepting in the first place. Don’t get me wrong: he’s not the only one to blame for being in this relationship, I have my parts. All of this have understandably taking a huge toll on my emotional well-being.
Last week, I told him I would work a shift in a club, which is something I wouldn’t normally do. I saw in this a good opportunity to make easy money while being in a place that’s appealing to me. I have never cheated on him, nor was closed to. I like to think I am strong independent person that takes the lead on my life and while I didn’t need the money to survive, I was happy to do it. When I told him, I had seen a post on a group I am part of where they were looking for staff for that night and had reached out, he flipped and lost his shit. He said he didn’t understand why I was doing this and that he couldn’t trust me. He was mean to me, saying he couldn’t trust someone taking this kind of decisions with his kids, said he was sure I was going to take some drugs (which I obviously wasn’t planning on doing and didn’t). I was clear about my intent with this side gig -I was going to work, in fact when everything was unfolding, I was at the grocery store buying myself cold cuts to make myself a healthy sandwich for my lunch.
I’m sure we could have both done a better job at communicating the situation and make sure we understood each other. The thing is, all couples have misunderstanding or situations where they don’t fully agree. That scene was a horrible one and while I was very upset about this situation, I figure the money I would make that night would be the most valuable of all my life. I was earning my respect. That night, he blocked me and dumped me, for the xth time. I told him it was over and that I’m sorry he didn’t trust me and that someone else would.
I held my position and since then, he has been begging to reconsider being with him. He says he can’t understand how a month ago we were in deep love and how everything has changed in one night. He calls me several times a day and I pickup every time. He sent me flowers, invited me to diner, offered to drop off some food to me. He’s calling me and crying, saying he fucked up, he apologized and just want to be with me. Even if it’s for the last time, he says. He is promising me he will never do that ever again. He is not letting go, and I know it’s going to be very hard for him to do. This being said, I just cant hold the weights of his reaction of my shoulders.
I don’t believe his promises because it’s not the first time I hear them. I have been putting myself in a very emotional taxing state and I cannot continue. In fact, I want none of it anymore. I want to regain my freedom and eventually be with someone that respects me, trust me and doesn’t try to control me or manipulate me.
At this time thought, I don’t know what to do. I need to set extremely clear boundaries for myself. I also don’t want to block him but won’t tolerate months of daily calls either. Right now, I am taking time for myself and have asked me to give me some space. I know he will have a hard time doing that. I need help with the next steps. How can I be supportive of what’s coming for him while being aware of my own needs? How can I protect myself while being human with him?
Help!
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Turn 08
Situation after air, for those who like to project what they would do (map after movement below) ...

Turn 08 after air, before movement
After movement ...
Turn 08 final
Link to turn 07
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Hello there, fellow fighters against this ugly habit of smoking. I come before you today with my own struggle. I’ve been around this subreddit for a while, read many posts, all very inspiring and helpful yet… I’ve been smoking for 4 years now, maybe not a long history with cigarettes but over these years, smoking got a leash on me. I tried to quit several times. And the longest I went without smoking was about a month and a half. I hate it and I like it both, it’s bad for me, yea I know. I’ve been preaching to myself all possible speeches, I tried different methods.. and I always end up buying ‘the last pack’. I had and still have people who support me but I want to ask you guys for some help or personal advices, you who’ve been fighting with this and understand how it may feel. Thank you ahead for your attention!
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hentai is a genre of Japanese manga and anime characterized by overtly sexualized characters and sexually explicit images and plots.
i know about everything there is about real life porn but when it comes to hentai i Always find some excuse to watch or read it because they are all drawn and made up and no one is being hurt because of it but even so i want to quit it!
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